There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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