I think im going to throw up on grandma
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
