another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
