I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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