Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
