So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
