Say something about gay babies.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
