I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Oh god it's open bar.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
