Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you will always have a special place in my vag
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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