just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
