Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
