and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
