I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
