Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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