I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
