Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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