I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
