I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
