my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
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