I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
