This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
