My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
