im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
