come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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