the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Also, beer. Big fan.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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