Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
