Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Randomize
