just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
