I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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