I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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