I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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