i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
