I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i would punch a child for taco bell
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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