You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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