dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
