I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
