i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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