I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
