She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
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