U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
