I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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