Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
