you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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