No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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