Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
