fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
