if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
