we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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