i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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