he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
