You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
